Deciding your future

The title says it all. I'm trying to decide, to figure out what kind of future I want to have. You know, when we're kids, we know that when we grow up we will be doctors, teachers, police officers, pilots. And then we start to grow up and we find out we don't want to be teachers anymore. Either we want to be doctors or police officers. We start to wonder what do we really, really want to be in our lives. What do we want to do with them to make them useful. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mermaid. I also wanted to fly. Now I want to be rich. That's life. We grow up and start to live what we never thought we could live. We start to think a way we never thought we could think.

I have great memories about my years in pre-school. I was about 5 years old and my group was going to graduate, so the school was making a memories book for us, so that when we grew up, we could remember those great times we had before beginning the journey of our lives. At least that's what I've used mine for. It has, from the favorite story book of each of my classmates and me, to the carreers we said we were going to choose when we grew up. Here there are some of them:

• Diane: "Doctor."
• Me: "My daddy's secretary."
• Julia: "Fashion designer, like my mommy."
• Paul: "Pilot... and cowboy."
• Raymond: "Strong, like Superman"
• Isabelle: "Foreigner."

And so on... Now I wonder who of those of my old friends, is even thinking about choosing that ''career'', if you can call it like that, they were going to ''study'' when they grew up. No. They're not thinking about it. Now we have to decide. To think big, but specially,to think REAL. Aaah that's so bad. I hate having to think real. It's like: My time is almost over, the fun is going to end soon. I gotta think. think. think. SO EXHAUSTING.

 

I've been checking out some aptitude, vocational, all kind of tests lately (with lately I mean for the last 2 or 3 years). And I can't. I can't decide what I want to do with my future. I mean, I know what I want to have, what I don't know is how I am going to get it. I've thought of being an architect, a bussiness woman, a phsycologist, a fashion designer, a writer. I've thought of everything. So what should I do? Why isn't there a user's manual for choosing a career? And don't tell me there are ''ways''. Because I'm tired of listening there are ''ways'' for me to find out what do I want to do. I know there are ways. BUT THEY DON'T WORK! At least not for me. They just get me more and more confused. I want to do something that I like, but I also want to do something that I know I can be good at it. And of course, something that could make money. So let's say I'm like, running out of ''ways". Can't God send me a sign and tell me: This is what you are. This is what I made you for. And no, I'm not going to be a nun. If you were asking.

Anyway. I think I should just... wait. I don't know. Maybe, something will come to my mind at the last minute and that will be it! Yeah, right. Whatever. Meanwhile, I think I'm just going to focus in preparing myself for anything I decide to do later. Though it's just about umm.. a year, that's left for me to have to decide, but it's ok. I don't have to freak out. I'll let you know when I make my decision. And I hope it's soon.